Day 4: In queso emergency

Today's post title is 50% inspired by a fire drill at work today and 50% me shamelessly loving puns. Basically, if your dad would tell the joke and be the only one to laugh, it's right up my alley.

It was a good day, friends. I got home from work earlier than Scott, so I decided to walk to Whole Foods and make friends with some new types of fruit. Sadly, it's far too easy to go into the grocery store all confident and leave with your spirits crushed. All the cool things I found in the produce section either looked like a character from Monster's Inc, had the word "dragon" in the name, or cost more than a plane ticket to San Francisco. As is the norm for naive Allie, I panicked and decided to just grab a few kiwis (exotic!), kale (rustic!), and rice tortillas (gluten-free!). Luckily, it was a gorgeous evening and the walk home revived my zest for life.

Tonight's dinner was Sweet Potato, Kale, & Black Bean Quesadillas. SPOILER ALERT: These were awesome and if you make them, you'll never regret it. I don't even want to think about how good they'd be with real cheese and sour cream. But I digress. 

Here's how it goes:

Photo credit: Cookie Monster Cooking. Mason jar, spork, and whimsy not included.

Sweet Potato, Kale, & Black Bean Quesadillas. 

1. Peel, chop, and boil 3 medium sweet potatoes. Since you're so skilled after Tuesday's debacle,  peeling the potatoes will go surprisingly well. Boil them on high for 15 minutes, adding 1/2 teaspoon of salt to the pot - or you can pour a random amount into your hand and carelessly toss it in, because it makes you feel like Emeril Lagasse. BAM.
2. Mash your potatoes. Or have your strong fiance do it, because he's a stickler for a job well done.
3. Add 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon cumin, 1/2 teaspoon chili powder and 1/4 teaspoon oregano to the potatoes. Your fiance will have these things stirred into the potatoes before you know it.
4. Chop 1-2 chipotle peppers in adobo sauce. No matter how much that can smells like barbecue sauce, do NOT dip your finger up to the second knuckle and lick it like you just finished a plate of wings. Regret will follow. Once you're done chopping and nursing your wounded pride, stir the minced peppers into the potatoes, because you're making the meatloaf of 'dillas and everything is going into the same bowl.
5. Thinly chop 3 green onions. These are the long skinny things that should really come with an instruction manual. After you expertly chop the entire thing and make a little onion mound on your cutting board, you'll think to yourself "hmm, is there a difference between that soft green side and the firm white end?" so you'll ask Siri. (JK, you'll Google it because you still have the phone invented by A.G. Bell.) You'll quickly realize that the nice lady in the tutorial video separated the green from the white and definitely didn't use the entire thing. You'll curse into your phone (you've been catching up with your  mom) and she'll tell you the right way to do things. You'll end up shrugging and using the whole damn pile, because life's too short to be sorting onion bits.
6. Heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a pan, then add onions and 3 cups of chopped kale. Listen as those tricky devils sizzle. Cook for about 2 to 3 minutes until the kale is "bright green and tender." Of course, you'll have no idea what this means because: 1) what is "bright green?" Are we talking stop light? Tennis ball? Mike Wazowski? 2) it's easy for the author to say "until tender" because they don't have to stick their fingers into a sizzling pan of oil-coated leaves to test their doneness.
7. Once cooked, add the onions, kale, and 1 can of rinsed, drained black beans to the potatoes. Your fiance can officially skip the gym, because Arm Day is now complete.
8. Spread the mixture onto half of a tortilla, sprinkle on some cheese (or "cheese"), fold over, and grill on a lightly oiled pan. Once the (")cheese(") starts to melt, flip your 'dilla. Tonight, you will quickly learn that forgetting your empty Pam-sprayed pan on the burner while you taste test in the living room leads to a kitchen full of smoke. At first it looks cool, like you just walked on stage at an Aerosmith concert. Then you'll realize that you can barely see the microwave from the doorway, yet you don't hear a peep from your smoke alarm. That can't be up to code.
9. Serve with salsa, hot sauce, and sour cream (or coconut milk yogurt). You'll wolf down two, acknowledge how wildly full you are, then still consider making at least 3 more. 

I mean it when I say these were great. They had a significant heat to them and the lack of meat never crossed my mind. I have to say, these were the best thing we've made so far and will definitely be a household staple.  If they made vegan Hungry Man Dinners, these would be in them. I felt like an eco-conscious lumberjack who went out for Mexican. I don't want to hype them up too much, because then they'll never live up to your expectations, but youshouldstopwhatyou'redoingandmakethesenow.

I want to quickly review three vegan foods that graced us with their presence tonight.

• Teese Vegan Cheddar Cheese - It specifically says on the package that it "melts & stretches." The former is good to know, the latter is TMI. (Who needs their cheese to stretch? Are you planning to wrap it around a bed of rice like a burrito shell? Are you pulling it like taffy to burn a few cals? Are you using it like an exercise band to get a good stretch in your hamstring?) It comes in a little sausage tube and put up a good fight when I tried to open it, but Scott liked it and I didn't mind it, so it was a successful purchase.
• Daiya Mozzarella - Holy crap, this one says "melts & stretches" too! WHY?! Verdict: I liked this better than the cheddar - on the quesadillas, at least. A little bit goes a long way and it's not fooling anyone with its claim to be "mozzarella," but I was pleasantly surprised.
• So Delicious Coconut Milk Yogurt - My brilliant, vegan officemate suggested this as a replacement for sour cream and it was surprisingly on par. I hate coconut anything, but this didn't taste like it at all and lent a cool tang to the quesadillas. I caught myself saying "I wouldn't eat spoonfuls of it" as if I normally mow down 18 dollops of Daisy in one sitting. It's a great alternative to sour cream and I'll be keeping some in the fridge from now on.

Well, that's all I've got. Before I retire to the pile of dishes waiting in the sink, I do want to stop and thank you all for being so awesome. I made this blog on Sunday night and it exceeded 1,000 views by Wednesday. At least half of those are probably my mom, but that still means a whole lot to me and I want to personally hug each and every one of you (with my words?). You're the best.

Tomorrow: we're heading to The Eatery On Farwell to try their Ratatoullie Burger. I'll keep ya posted.