Day 2: Sweeeeeeet po-ta-to (bah bah bah)

First, let's acknowledge that Neil Diamond jokes make terrible blog post titles.

Second, let's chat about how awesome dinner was tonight. I rolled the dice a bit and planned Chipotle Sweet Potato Burgers for day two of the challenge. "Wow, you sure live on the edge, Al!" you're likely exclaiming. I was surprised, too. Going from a Culvers butterburger to a cheeseless patty made of oats and potatoes didn't seem all that logical at first, but I called an audible and it paid off. These were super easy to make, but I'd like you to join me for a step-by-step tutorial, because "[insert some quote about bonding while you cook together here]" -Julia Child.

Photo credit: The Chubby Vegetarian... because my picture looked absolutely disgusting.

Chipotle Sweet Potato Burgers - the only guide you'll ever need.

1.  Peel 2 sweet potatoes. While using your rusty peeler, be sure to accidentally rap your knuckles on your kitchen table at least 12-15 times per spud. Once you finally get two nice long strips of peel and start feeling capable again, make sure the peeler gets caught on an uneven lump and slides off the potato at light speed, connecting with the nearby microwave. Only 325 more strokes and you're done! (Side note: maybe not all sweet potatoes are shaped like Massachusetts, but mine sure were.)
2. Cook your sweet potatoes. My coworker, Jesse, recommended cubing the potatoes and boiling them; I fully endorse this process. It takes about 15-20 minutes. Spend this time pretending your fork is Poseidon's trident and dash it into the starchy seas every few minutes to test the softness of the potatoes. You now feel empowered like the Greek god or goddess you are inside.
3. Mash 'em up. Mash 'em up real nice.
4. Prepare your buns. When your fiance asks "so what are we going to eat this on?" be sure to curse under your breath, give him your sweetest smile, and quietly reply "...can you please run to the store and get some buns?" He will sigh, make fun of you for a while, laugh, sigh, change out of his sweatpants, sigh, grab the car keys, sigh, and ask if there's anything else you forgot. You'll insist there isn't. He'll roll his eyes as he sighs his way out the door. And boom! Crisis averted!
5. Combine the following in a large bowl: 1.5 cups quick-cooking oats, 1/2 teaspoon cumin, 1/4 teaspoon granulated garlic, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon cracked black pepper. Then decide "hey, I think I made a lot more potatoes than I needed. I'm going to double all of these things!" and then do that. Then start to wonder how this large bowl of dry oats is ever going to be a consumable meal and feel grateful that your fiance is wandering the bread aisle instead of observing your obvious look of concern.
6. Add 1-2 minced Chipotle chiles from a can. Or remember the panic attack you had while trying to find the correct type of peppers last Sunday, which led you to just purchasing one tiny can of mild green chiles. It's not your fault, everyone gets confused by simple produce shopping. Now shake yourself back to reality... and decide not to add chiles at all, because some decisions are just too scary to make on the fly like that.
7. Add the mashed sweet potatoes to the seasoned oats. Before you do, take note that you have way more oats than potatoes, even though it should be a 1:1 ratio. (Repeat steps 1-3 with one more potato as you wallow in shame.) Stir everything together until it's mixed well.
8. Cover the mixture & refrigerate for 15 minutes. Because the recipe says to.
9. Press together each patty, but be warned that your phone will ring, your dog will demand to go out outside that very instant, and you will fight the sudden urge to sneeze... all while your hands are hopelessly covered in potato goop.
10. Fry the patties in a lightly oiled pan for 4 minutes each side. While you wait, turn around and realize that you've managed to dirty no less than six bowls, several forks, two measuring cups, three pots, multiple spatulas, and that god awful peeler. Pretend you're Samantha Stephens and can make it all go away with the twitch of a nose. Cry because you're not.
11. Serve the burger on a whole wheat bun and top with salsa, chiles, and avocado. Just because you were too afraid to put the chiles into the burger doesn't mean you can't man up and put them on top.
12. Consume two burgers before you've even finished chewing your first bite. Because they're pretty awesome.

See? Easy as that!

I really enjoyed these and Scott was a fan, too. In the future, we'll play around with toppings to add a little complexity. (Or maybe I'll actually follow the recipe instead of removing the "chipotle" portion of "chipotle sweet potato burgers.") They're very filling, which brings me to Vegan Revelation #394: there is such thing as feeling full and entirely satiated without wishing you'd never been born. I can't count how many times I've overindulged in something excessively non-vegan, then wondered how I would ever move again. I ate a lot tonight - more than I should have - but that sluggish, awful feeling is almost entirely absent. Do I want to run a marathon right now? No. But to be fair, my answer to that question is always no.

In conclusion, "Chipotle" Sweet Potato Burgers are tasty, hearty, and don't require post-meal hibernation. What more could a recovering dairy addict hope for?